Table 4 Supporting quotations for themes related to challenges in achieving aspirations

Being nagged by children for sweets and snacks

So I shouldn’t have told him, “What do you want?” I always do that, “What do you want?” because if I get him something he doesn’t want, he throws it. Eventually I got up and got the chips for him that he wanted. And I gave it to him. Like the [social] worker was like, “You have to show him who’s the boss,” but my whole thing is it’s impossible with a 3 year old.

It’s pretty much about snacks cause my son, he’s a con artist so he, you know, use “Oh, I’ve been in school”. He says, “Mom-mom or pop-pop, can you give me some money? I’ve been good.”So he tries to trick them but I’m right on top of him and try not to let him eat a lot of snacks.

I give in sometimes. I give in to her because she looks like me. Her eyes are big and she just bats her eyes and she’s like, “Ma, please?” And then I’m like, “Okay”.

Being undermined by other adults in the family

When my kids are either at my mom’s or my sister’s, which is like, I guess, a grandparent syndrome, they get whatever they want and my in-laws, the same thing, we went down there, she gave him cake and ice cream for breakfast.

My mom sneaks in and gives her juice, and she fills it up, and then I’ll be wondering like, “Why is he so hyped? I didn’t give him any juice.” Then my mom will look at me all crazy out of the side of her eye. She filled the cup up and gave him a big cup, too.

I just try to change the sugar content if she’s going to drink a large amount of it. I have control over that, except when she’s around grandmom, they give her soda and coffee. Why are you offering a little girl coffee in the morning or before bed? Like, that’s not decaf. Coffee, this is like caffeinated, dark roast, sugar and cream.

Having bad memories from childhood makes it hard to say “no”

But being a mother of five is the best thing that pretty much ever happened to me in my life because of the way I was raised. My childhood was kind of rough and, you know, my children think that they’re being fed with a silver spoon. I want them to feel special because my children are really special to me. My children are very demanding and I try to give them what they want, for the most part.

I just want my children to have the things that I didn’t have. I didn’t have the choice to ask or, you know, I mean I can’t speak for everyone in this room but my childhood wasn’t very good growing up. So I just try to give them the highlights and things that I didn’t have.